AS WITHOUT SO WITHIN

When the external search for an answer is in vain, I turned inwards.
It is said the Mind ask the question; the Heart has the answer.


What happen if I told you that God does not has a direct hold on you?
"The Lord will see and the Lord will provide." is not what you thought it is?

Because God is a God of love...and we are each made as an image of Him, therefore we are His love.
Because of God's love, we are not just puppet creatures he created for fun and plan and stage every event of our live and watch us drifting through life like some soap opera.
Because of His love, we are given the freedom. The freedom to choose, the freedom to decide and even the freedom to reject Him.

This freedom means that we make decision and choose our own path. When we make the wrong choices, either we ourselves suffered OR others suffered because of us.



IF no death or major harm happened, I would say there is no right or wrong choice. Only different lessons to be learn. The roads may be different, but it will lead to the same destination if you press on. The key is: keep moving forward.

Life no longer is just discovery but creation. We CANNOT create the situation we are in, but we CAN create HOW WE react to the situation. We no longer just walk a single path or applied a single solution, but we are able to CREATE our own path and a NEW solution.

But all is not lost. Hope is still around IF you know where to look. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Sometime and most of the time. it’s always the small things that count.


In search for my answer, I finally turn inwards to seek for them. I found 2.

1. Because of God's love, the freedom He grants us, He no longer can intervene any mishap. The pain that we felt is cast back onto Him 10x, 20x or even a 100x. Such is the love that parents willing to bear for their children; husband willing to bear for his wife; and God willing to bear for us.

2. Because people just die. Life has a beginning and an ending. People just simply die.



I created a forest, a rain forest. And I got lost inside. I walk on and on while searching for an answer; searching for a way out. In the end, I was never lost. And now the way out is clearly in front but I’d grow complacence in this comfort forest of mine and I fear to walk out of it.

I lay down watching the night sky waiting for the right time to come...

28th Of April

Its her birthday. 3 Months. 3 months has passed. The feeling still so raw. I cannot thole the pain.


A: Because we all have sinned, therefore we all must suffer and die.
B: Becuase such was her destiny, her life was written on the Book long ago.
C: Because she had done her part in this life, it is time for her to return.
D: Because she was suffering, and she was took back; to free her from the pain.



Is that the answer? I think not. I do not understand Thy designs at all. Sigh.
And my search is in vain. Thy has not show me the answer.
Still, I will westle with Thy and never let go.

Sighness. AND NO ONE is allow to walk out of me like that, that include U too.
*Hugs*

Agamemnon - Aeschylus - 3rd Century BCE

And even in our sleep,
pain which cannot forget
falls drop by drop upon the heart,
and in our own despite,
against our will,
comes wisdom to us
by the awful grace of God.

Eulogy for the Martyred Children - Martin Luther King Jr. - 1963

Now I say to you in conclusion,
life is hard,
at times as hard as crucible steel. (Mmm)

It has its bleak and difficult moments.
Like the ever-flowing waters of the river,
life has its moments of drought and its moments of flood. (Yeah)
Like the ever-changing cycle of the seasons,
life has the soothing warmth of its summers
and the piercing chill of its winters. (Yeah)

But if one will hold on,
he will discover that God walks with him, (Yeah. Well)
and that God is able (Yeah) to lift you from the fatigue of despair
to the buoyancy of hope
and transform dark and desolate valleys
into sunlit paths of inner peace. (Mmm)

MEET THE ROBINSONS (SOUNDTRACK)

Artist: Rob Thomas
Song: Little Wonders


let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we?ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain



-----------------------------------------

Had a loving day after my 2nd paper in the morning. Really enjoy it.
Caught the movie “Meet the Robinsons” in the evening, was really a nice, warm-hearted, comical show. Just that an unexpected scenario hit me. The ending part, when everything fall into place, when he found what he long for, or was even much better than what he had wish for. The shine that was in his eyes. . .


Maybe because I wasn’t harboring any hope after 2 weeks they didn’t call me up for interview, when my friend got called up 3 days after submitting his application ... and yet surprising when I decided that its gone case, I got ring up on the 3rd week.

The interview went so smooth and all... but till now, I still never receive their 2nd call for the 2nd round. Sigh.

It’s like Lewis in the "Meet the Robinsons". He was holding on to the hope that he can catch a glance of him mum thru his Memory Scanner. The machine failed as Doris sabotaged it. Then he was promised by Wilbur to go back into the past using the time machine, but Wilbur never mean it, it was an empty promise. =/

Of cos in the end, Wilbur did fulfill his promise =)

But before that, it was like raising Lewis hope before crashing it flat. ouch.
Maybe that's how I feel bah. Too much uncertainty lately. And life turning into another path soon.... yet I still can’t see where im heading to next...
I need to hold on. Sigh. Or simply "keep moving forward (as my dear bro khai has corrected me)".

Like what dear said: you won’t know what life has installed for you. Don’t worry about it bah. Everything will fall into place nicely..."

Its all in the mind. Got to stay strong and keep moving forward bah! =)

6 Weird Things About Myself.

Ok! So, I was told/asked/challenged to do this =x
okok kidding =p


1. I’m a Mummy!
LOL. Ok before u guys eyes started to pop-out, let me did my explaining.
Somehow, having this 3 'little ones' (not that little =p) who feel that instead of been a big bro to them, I’m more like a nagging mother and one of them decided to call me 'mummy' (@@ roll eyes) which leads to the other 2 following.
But I’m proud of this 3 kids =) They are wonders to have.


2. I love chocolates BUT i get sick eating too much of them =x
Just happened that somehow my body dont really accept them well =/
and and arhhhh Chocolates T.T got nice nice Royce in fridge =x


3. Im the Sun and the Rain XD
ok there~. My surname is Sun..... and somehow taken upon the 'pen' name rain... =)
so there! the sun and the rain. There's a saying that's very beautiful:
U need both the sun and the rain, to bring out the colors in the rainbow.


4. Im good at handicraft
Be it origami, or needlework (thought not really into it) if u are able to teach, im able to pick them up fast =x


5. er...not I said de... but my younger sis said I like to act cute
@@ *roll eyes*. bleh.


6. Im slow to heat up
ok. This is the usually comments I get. First few days when pple just know me, im like super quiet or sth.....then as time passed by they will wish they nv ask me to talk more. cos all sort of rubbish come out of my mouth. LOL =x


There~ 6 points as boss requested. =)

Why English is Soooo Hardddddd

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

ABOUT ME

http://dna.imagini.net/friends/

Do Not Worry

Matthew 6

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


I shall not worry so much.
I know that Im able to finish up my exam preparation in time.
I know that I will be ok for the coming interview which happen to be the day before the first paper.
I know that things are getting better and better.
Thus, i should not worry.

Thanks to my luck star. *hug*

ANOTHER QUIZZ FROM DIL

1. Song playing at the moment?
身边有太多风景 我却停在这里
说我傻的可以 还不是因为你 ~ (someone voice still ring in my head =x )


2. Reasons for living?
resons for dying?

3. Do you think you're ok?
Do you think that I'm NOT ok?

4. Ever donated blood?
tried. they said: boy, u can go to the refreshment le, ur vein too small, the smallest needle also cannot".............

5. Favorite color(s)?
white then black

6. Accessories you usually wear
bracelet and ring =x

7. One song to describe a heartbreak in the past?
The wind (Tears for you)

8. Last place you went to?
the market? coffeeshop?

9. Last person you went out with?
Jared! =)

10. The most exciting sport?
basketball!

11. Ever had a baby?
carrying xiao pf now =x

12. Movie you wanna watch?
er alot =.=

13. Any piercings?
none =)

14. The most romantic gift?
shhhhhhhhhh =x

15. Act on stage before?
sort of.

16. Struck by lightning before?
er electric shock count? ^^

17. Danced with your loved one before?
shall we ? ^^

18. Ever wished you could turn back time?
wished. but may be... may be i will walked back this current path............

19. What would you do if you woke up one day to find yourself to be with someone from the opposite sex?
omg! er the only possibility is my 'lao gong' =x
then i'll said: "coffee, tea, or me?" =x

20. One song that's meaningful to you?
one? got so many =x

21. Last person you met for the first time?
Grace's friend and heehs Fen's BF !

22. What will you be doing on the weekend?
weekend? weekday lei.......... and im rotting =x

23. Ever thought of robbing a bank?
will u help me? ^^

24. One thing you totally regret doing/done?
doubt kitty words.

25. Do people like you?
Do you?

26. What was the last game you played on the computer?
reversi! =D

27. Someone who means a lot to you at the moment?
so many. but but dear the most =x

28. The colour of you mobile phone?
chocolate black?

29. Do you hate someone at the moment?
nope.

30. What do you wish to happen now?
someone offer me a good paid job!!!

31. Last time you ate pizza?
march? or was in Feb? 3 person ate a 4 pple meal =.=

32. Ever been given a ring?
er =x gif other counted?

31. Do people think you're weird?
LOL =x good Question ^^

34. Movies now showing that you hate?
nope bah.

35. Most important thing in your room?
phone =x a letter. a postcard =x

36. Last movie watched?
300

37. Last television show watched?
random show

38. Who is the person you want to see right now?
dear =x

39. Ever called a person useless?
nope.

40. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
i guess so =x

41. Have you ever regretted liking someone?
hmmm?

FOUNDATION

When two person get connects together, linked up or whatever... a bridge has to be built.

The building of this bridge cannot be done in a rush. The foundation has to be laid brick by brick. Taking care that each brick is firmly in place, before laying the next brick. Such is the case for the foundation of a relationship too.

If the foundation is not build properly, a single strain may cause the whole bridge to collapse; a relationship to fail.

I use to argue it’s always better to follow this pattern:
Acquaintance->friend->close friend->couple

Because such is the case where the foundation is laid strongly; step by step, brick by brick. However, this is really a rare case.

Most pple usually goes from:
Acquaintance->friend->couple
Acquaintance->couple

The state of 'close friend' is omitted. Why?
Because of the intense feeling of attraction; the 'wants' and 'long' for each other.
This intense feeling cloud our mind/thoughts/emotion and of cos logic.

So what happen when this is the case? Does the bridge collapse when a strong wind blow?
Maybe. Maybe not.

Then how much are u going to commit yourself? After all the intense attraction faded away, that is when the hard work came in. How much then are you willing to put into this relationship? How much are u willing to sacrifice?

Love is a choice.
A choice to share.
A choice to commit.
A choice to embrace.
A choice to care.
A choice to trust.
A choice to love.

FOR YOU - WORDS FROM MY HEART

When darkness descends upon me, I lost my way.
But you walk into my life and show me the light.

When pain descends upon me, I couldn’t move.
But you took my hands and lead me on.

When all my hopes and dreams are far away, I seem so small in this huge world.
But you give me the courage and strength to press on.

The night sky is filled with stars,
But my eyes are on you. On you only.

There's a special corner in my mind,
You are always there. Every thought; I see you.

There's a special corner in my heart,
You are always there. Every heartbeat; I feel you.


You know that I'll be there for you. Always there for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------


Game: Final Fantasy VIII
Song: Eyes on Me
Perfomed by: Faye Wong

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

THY DESIGNS

Where have I sinned, O Lord? At what moment have I strayed from what Thou desirest of me? If Thou art discontent with me, why hast Thou not taken me from this world? Instead, Thou hast afflicted yet again those who succored me and loved me.

i do not understand Thy designs. I see no justice in Thy acts. In bearing the suffering Thou hast imposed on me. I am sorely wanting. Remove Thyself from my life, for I too am reduces to ruins, fire, and dust."


There. This clearly still reflects my thoughts. If good people are going to hell cos they does not follow Christ, then surely even if Im a Christian, i shall be burning in hell, cos im much much worse than them. =)


Matthew 5:45
He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous

everyone need healing, a kind word, a smile. In mine twisted believed, Christian, Buddhist and all, we are all God's children.



A passage from "The Fifth Mountain"

Every human being at some time had tragedy enter his life; it might be the destruction of a city, the death of a son, an unproved accusation, a sickness that left one lame forever. At that moment, God challenged one to confront Him and to answer His question: "Why dost thou cling fast to an existence so short and so filled with suffering? What is the meaning of thy struggle?"

The man who did not know how to answer this question would resign himself, while another, one who sought a meaning to existence, feeling that God had been unjust, would challenge his own destiny. It was at this moment that fire of a different type descended from the heavens - not the fire that kills but the kind that tears down ancient walls and imparts to each human being his true possibilities.

Cowards never allow their hearts to blaze with this fire; all they desire is for the changed situation to quickly return to what it was before, so they can go on living their lives and thinking in their customary way. The brave, however, set afire that which was old and, even at the cost of great internal suffering, abandon everything. Including God, and continue onward.

"The brave are always stubborn."

From heaven, God smiles contentedly, for it was this that He desired, that each person take into his hands the responsibility for his own life. For, in the final analysis, He had given His children the greatest of all gifts: the capacity to choose and determine their acts.

Only those men and women with the sacred flame in their hearts had the courage to confront Him. And they alone know the path back to His love, for they understood that tragedy was not punishment but challenge.


Why do people suffer if God is everything and power?
Because of his love. His love for us, grant us our freedom. The freedom to choose. He does not plot and script our lives like a drama, but given us the freedom to choose the path ourselves.

And because of this freedom, sometimes we make wrong choices. Other people may suffer because of our choices. Or we ourselves suffered. But because God Himself is love, we, who are make as an image of Him, is the product of His love.

Then surely, we, are love.

But do we love only those we are the same 'design' as us?

Check out EXPO mrt station on SAT. This lady in wheelchair singing... trying to sell tissues.... so how MANY CHIRSTIAN did bother to stop and brought from her?

So where did the teaching: "IF U LEND TO THE POOR, U LEND TO ME, YOUR GOD AND I WILL RETURN TO U IN MULTIPLE FOLD"


What does that show? Dont tell me that there's report that these pple can earn up to a few K and go on holidays by selling tissues, and they are cheating pple.
HELLO! Wake up! If u have the right to go for holiday, who ARE U to deny other pple right to go for holiday too? Just cos they earn by selling tissues they shouldn’t be rich and get to enjoy life????


Being a Christian means nothing. Only those that I have seen following in God's way are the ones that I truly respect. Action speaks louder than Words.

CARRY WITH U THESE GIFTS OF THE HEART

Trust...
that whatever happens, there is someone who will understand.

Honesty...
the feeling that you never need to hold back...

Peace...
in being accepted for who you really are.

Beauty...
in outlook more than appearance.

Freedom...
to be yourself, to change, and to grow.

Joy...
in ever day,
in every memory,
and in your hopes for the future.

Love...
to last a lifetime,
and perhaps beyond.

爱的主旋律 - 卓文萱/小鬼

U know, this is the song of us =x the lyrics.. when i saw it.. OMG =x


爱的主旋律 - 卓文萱/小鬼歌词


男：是你在那个雨季 走进我生命
带着一点任性 和温柔的表情

女：是你在那个雨季 赶走了孤寂
温暖的笑容 换我仅有的甜蜜

男：天上一万颗星星我却只看见你
你说这是幸运 还是不可思议

女：身边有太多风景 我却停在这里
说我傻的可以 还不是因为你

男：是你的声音
女：带给我勇气
男：恋爱的频率
女：直到我心底
男：如果你愿意
女：是的我愿意
合：带着我幸福的主旋律

男：从前的实际
女：现在我相信
男：天空会放晴
女：爱会更甜蜜
男：如果你愿意
女：是我的愿意
合：爱的主旋律
合：永远唱下去

QUIZZ

Kop from Dil blog =x


1.two words to describe urself right now?
VERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYVERY BORED!
(there~ 2 words =D)

2. At what age do you want to die?
er 80+ ? 90+?

3. name 3 of your crazy friends
lao dou is cazy. so is dil =x. and then hmmmm me? =x

4. what's your favorite number/s?
2 =x come in a pair =D

5. Do you wish to have people crying or laughing during your funeral?
both? =x


6. last number of your phone number?
9

7. who was the first person that came to your mind as you woke up this
morning?
dear =x

8. what was the last thing to make you feel like killing?
er im harmless de =x

9. what song is on your mind right now?
MO LI HUA ! LOL

10. what was the last thing you wrote
thing =p

11. who do you want to call on your cellphone?
dear =x

12. Are you in love?
am i ? =]

13. what color/s do you like?
white and then black.

14. last song that you sang?
I'll think i love u before i meet u~ i think i dream u into life~

15. do you like to sing?
someone love to force me sing =x

16. have you ever been to Baguio?
How abt oiugab?

17. what was the last song that you danced to?
bom cha cha, bom cha cha =p er just random. i dont dance =x

18. favorite songs:
any that dear sing ^^

19. why are you answering this?
why are u reading this ^^

20. who last commented you on myspace?
my space muhahahaha! thou shall not invade =x

21. last person you emailed?
its DR ALEX TAY ! My fyp examiner =x

22. have you worn/are you wearing braces [teeth]
can i get one? =x

23. how often do you buy load?
bread? i get them in single or double, Tank Q.

24. who's the last person in your phonebook?
dangerous Q... later dear think i moonlight =x
luckily its Zhong hao! =D

25. if you were given a chance to visit another country what would it be?
CANADA!

26. name the person that you wish to fall for you at this moment.
already fallen =x

27. what do you want to happen right now?
smack butt! LOL =x oooops die >.<~

28. Where would your favorite place for a piercing be?
noooo. none =x

29 What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?
i know when to stop =.=!

30 How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
14! Forever 14! wheeeeeeeeee~

31 Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
cant remember...should be thailand bah.

32 How old were you then?
er ... er.... 14? 15? =x

33 Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends?
OMG. i teh old...cannot remember le la zzzzzzzz. but then =/ got one in pri sch... this guy tall tall one..... that time i short short la =x

35 The biggest, hardest sacrifice you ever made?
=/

36 Do you prefer elves or vampires?
vampires goes bite bite =x but elves suppose to be more er mystic

37 Describe your hair right now:
gong gong look =x

INTERVIEW

When for my first interview. Well, the interview did goes pretty well... except when I thought its ending.... I was told to attempt a short test... right..

and basically i failed the test.... I wasnt prepared for it! zzzZ
all the programming, pointers, OS stuffs....

Its a good experience still... but netherless felt abit lost....
I wonder if software engineering is for me =/

which direction should i head for now?

QUOTES II

Was searching around for quotes and I found this:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

Mary Frye


and i wonder if she's watching over us on the clouds.